By Charlotte Callingham
For 23 year old Shanti, a Punjabi Hindu, telling her dad the truth about split from her last boyfriend would have terrible consequences.
For 23 year old Shanti, a Punjabi Hindu, telling her dad the truth about split from her last boyfriend would have terrible consequences.
Sheffield student Shanti (not her real name) started dating when she was 16 years old. She hid the first six month relationship from her parents. But during her summer romance with her second boyfriend- she got caught.
“My Mum didn’t speak to me and, well, let’s just say my dad was very mean to me.”
When she met her next boyfriend in 2009 she decided not to tell her parents until she was sure the relationship would last. She said: “I secretly went to meet with him while he was at university and friends would cover for me.”
Shanti said it was easy to hide the relationship because her parents were distracted by her younger brother’s love life. He was 16 and had just started dating,
In 2012 she noticed that her family was adapting to Western culture: “As I’ve grown up the UK they’ve grown as well.
“My Mum didn’t speak to me and, well, let’s just say my dad was very mean to me.”
When she met her next boyfriend in 2009 she decided not to tell her parents until she was sure the relationship would last. She said: “I secretly went to meet with him while he was at university and friends would cover for me.”
Shanti said it was easy to hide the relationship because her parents were distracted by her younger brother’s love life. He was 16 and had just started dating,
In 2012 she noticed that her family was adapting to Western culture: “As I’ve grown up the UK they’ve grown as well.
"They can never find out I had sex."
Suddenly, her Mum went through her phone and became suspicious of the amount of contact she had with one boy. Shanti told her Mum that he was her best friend, so they could keep having their relationship in secret.
A year into their relationship she decided to tell her Mum. Her Mum met the boy a few months before she moved to university in 2012.
“My Mum really surprised me. She told me that I have to live my life, the way I need to.”
Her Mum told her Dad, and convinced him that she was old enough to have her own relationships.” He just shrugged it off in front of me, but he wanted to meet him. Luckily they got on.”
But he wasn’t ready to tell his parents yet. Shanti speaks Punjabi and his family speaks Gujrati. He saw this as a problem because she wouldn’t be able to talk to his family in their native language. “Basically, I’m the wrong type of Hindu.”
Both families knew about the relationship, but they can never find out they had sex. “My parents would beat me if they knew. I think they are suspicious because he came to visit me at university but they don’t ask and I will never tell.”
Earlier this year the relationship ended. Now she faced a new set of problems when she told her Mum.
A year into their relationship she decided to tell her Mum. Her Mum met the boy a few months before she moved to university in 2012.
“My Mum really surprised me. She told me that I have to live my life, the way I need to.”
Her Mum told her Dad, and convinced him that she was old enough to have her own relationships.” He just shrugged it off in front of me, but he wanted to meet him. Luckily they got on.”
But he wasn’t ready to tell his parents yet. Shanti speaks Punjabi and his family speaks Gujrati. He saw this as a problem because she wouldn’t be able to talk to his family in their native language. “Basically, I’m the wrong type of Hindu.”
Both families knew about the relationship, but they can never find out they had sex. “My parents would beat me if they knew. I think they are suspicious because he came to visit me at university but they don’t ask and I will never tell.”
Earlier this year the relationship ended. Now she faced a new set of problems when she told her Mum.
"I'm the wrong type of Hindu."
“Mum thought he was a nice person really sweet proper in love ,so she asked us for a 3 month trial to see if we were going through a rough patch and if we could make it up.”
The three month trial ended after a few weeks, but she hasn't told her Dad yet.
“He would beat me. He expects me and this boy to get married, he wouldn't understand why we broke up.”
Shanti says that in the future she would tell her parents as soon as she started dating a guy.
“I would tell them from the offset now, because it’s better to honest. I’ve done my fair share of hiding from my parents and lying to my parents.”
The three month trial ended after a few weeks, but she hasn't told her Dad yet.
“He would beat me. He expects me and this boy to get married, he wouldn't understand why we broke up.”
Shanti says that in the future she would tell her parents as soon as she started dating a guy.
“I would tell them from the offset now, because it’s better to honest. I’ve done my fair share of hiding from my parents and lying to my parents.”