By Samantha Morton
An alcoholic and drug user at aged 16, Cassie's life was on the road to destruction, but having a baby at 20 helped her turn her life around.
An alcoholic and drug user at aged 16, Cassie's life was on the road to destruction, but having a baby at 20 helped her turn her life around.
A typical teenager will push the boundaries. Cassie went much further than that. Without family support she turned to a whirlwind lifestyle of drugs, sex, abuse, self-harm and alcoholism.
For Cassie, substance abuse was a way to forget about her past. 'I used alcohol and drugs to block out my childhood; I was a victim of abuse and felt like alcohol was my only help'.
Cassie, from Sheffield grew up without a father, he was an abusive drug addict and her Mum left him when Cassie was just a baby. Cassie was always an intelligent girl, but showed no effort in school and soon began to fall in with the wrong crowd both in and out of school.
'It went on for nearly a year, whenever my mum would leave to go to work'
Cassie was emotionally abused by her mum, a cocaine addict, and recalls how at the age of 12 she would have to fight middle aged male drug dealers out of her home after they had broken in wanting money from her mum.
At 15, Cassie's Mum got a job as a mobile masseuse and met the man of her dreams, who would become a father figure to Cassie. 'Everything finally seemed to be getting better; I thought life would be perfect from then on.'
However after her mother's partner moved into the family home he began to abuse Cassie both physically and sexually, 'It went on for nearly a year, whenever my mum would leave to go to work. He told me no one would ever believe me if I said anything and I believed him, I was too scared to do anything.'
At 16, Cassie finally had the courage to tell her Mum about the abuse, but she didn't receive the reaction she was expecting, instead her Mum threw her out, branding her a liar. 'She believed him over me, I wanted her to console me, not stay by his side. I felt dirty, like I had deserved it, she made me feel like it was my fault.'
Cassie moved in with her grandmother, but never explained why her Mum had thrown her out. 'For ages, I never told anyone about the abuse, I was scared they'd react the same way as my mum did. Why would anyone believe me, I didn't have proof.'
'My boyfriend would make me steal booze by hiding bottles under my coat'
This was when Cassie's life changed. She looked to alcohol and drugs for comfort and fell in with a crowd that could supply her needs.
Shortly after moving to her grandmother's she began a relationship with a man nearly twice her age. It was a whirlwind romance and within months of meeting she had moved in with him and picked up his habits.
He was an alcoholic and this is when her addiction began. At first it started off casually but then she would wake up with 'shakes' meaning she needed to drink to stop her from becoming sick.
She would consume 2 litres of straight vodka in the morning before she was even able to make it out of bed. Cassie would consume a total of around 150 units of alcohol per day, which would consist of vodka, cider, lager and sherry.
She says her drug dependency was funded by her boyfriend's job seekers allowance. 'When he got paid we'd splurge on expensive bottles of sherry and wine, and treat ourselves to drugs. It would either be cocaine or heroin but if we didn't have access to that we would just get stoned'.
'I didn't feel pain'
She also shoplifted from local supermarkets. 'My boyfriend would make me steal booze by hiding bottles under my coat. If I didn't he said I would be punished'.
A teenage addict, living with a physically abusive boyfriend, Cassie had reached rock bottom and began to self-harm as an escape. 'I used to slit my wrists, I didn't feel pain, it felt like all the pressure I had over me was just leaving my body, it was like a high.'
At the age of 20, after being diagnosed with liver failure and being told that if she carried on with her current lifestyle she wouldn't live to see her 22nd birthday, Cassie decided it was time to change.
'My past is my past and I'm grateful of it'
She left her abusive boyfriend, got her own flat, detoxed to become sober and began a relationship with a new man. 'He was everything I wanted, he never judged me and he wasn't an addict, so I never had the temptation to go back to where I was'.
A year on, she was happy and healthy, this is when she was given the news that she was pregnant, something that she thought would never happen due to the years of self-abuse.
On June 7th 2012 she gave birth to a healthy, beautiful baby girl and never looked back. 'I finally had the life I deserved, the family I wanted, my past is my past and I'm grateful of it as it's because of it that I am where I am today.'
Since the birth of her daughter, Cassie has not had a drink, taken drugs or self-harmed, and has not been in contact with her Mum since the day she left home.
'I have my own family now; I want to provide a life for my daughter that I never had'.